IMY

Good bye, sob sob ;')

It is officially his now. Dr Ler is one of my colleagues.
Auwww, I will miss my "Fire Scars" alot ;') *sob sob*

Degup Mati: Al-Fathihah

Al-Fathihah buat ayahanda tersayang Maz, her dad just passed away just now. Sangat sedih. Takziah buat Maz and family.

Aku harap sangat-sangat kau kuat and sabar dengan dugaan Dia yang sangat besar ni, Maz. I am really sorry sebab hilang kata-kata tadi, I'm very sad and shocked to hear the news. Even while I'm writing this down and even masa aku forward SMS kat semua orang, airmata aku tak boleh berhenti menitik. Hurm, apatah lagi kau kan. Sabar ya, Maz? Be strong dear, same goes to your mom and the rest of the family.

Gosh, again I'm speechless.. I lost my word seh.
Just remember, we will always be there for you whenever you need us, whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, nah.. go ahead and cry your heart out. Maaf, aku tak pandai berkata-kata ;'(

Sekali lagi, Al-Fathihah.. Innalillah


p/s: Sigh.. what a coincidence! The title of my painting - "Blow Those Drips Away" actually means "wipe off those tears". *big sigh*

UPDATED: ZIARAH

Dari jauh jelas kelihatan deretan kereta berdekatan rumah Maz. Dalam rumpunan yang datang menziarahi arwah, aku tercari-cari kelibat Maz. "Oh dia bertudung", bisik aku sendiri. Hampir tak perasan. Aku tepuk belakang dia. Tatkala Maz menoleh dan lantaran yang dilihat itu aku, dia terus peluk dan menangis laju. Aku paling pantang tengok orang menangis, aku jadi hiba sama.. airmata aku jadi 'murah' sama. Aku hilang kata-kata sekali lagi. Apa lagi mampu aku kata selain "Sabar banyak-banyak, Maz". Hurm.. Siapa siap bila dihadapkan dengan dugaan sebesar ini? Sedangkan bukan 'darah' aku yang 'pergi' pun aku sudah teresak macam ni rupa, inikan pula Maz.. ayah kandung dia sendiri. Siapa siap diuji sebegini hebat di kala bulan yang mulia ini..? *sigh*

Walau datang seribu nyawa yang dipanggil kekasih..
Takkan mirip dengan nyawa yang satu ini.
"Patah tumbuh, hilang berganti" bukanlah perumpamaan yang cocok.
Nyawa 'kekasih' yang satu ini, tiada galang gantinya.
Nyawa 'kekasih' yang satu ini hanya yang ini.. yang satu ini.
Bila degup 'nyawa' yang satu ini mati, kadang tersepit kita dengan emosi.
Namun, redhakanlah pemergiannya..
Agar dia dengan tenangnya mengadap Ilahi.
Dan kau.. tolong jangan berhenti 'berlari'.
Kau masih punya nadi di alam yang bukan hakiki ini.
Dan kau masih punya kami..

WaterMELLOW

Mode arini adalah MELLOW.
Mellow is my surname for today (ONLY.. kot)
Semalam perut rasa kupu-kupu.
Hari ni pagi-pagi lagi mata dah 'berjerebu'.
Patting my own back,
"It may take a little time, but everything will come right.."
Right..? *sigh*

Can't wait to see what's NEXT..

Charles Bukowski once wrote:
There will always be something to ruin our lives.
It all depends on what or which finds us first.
We are always ripe and ready to be taken.

p/s: tolong, ini sama sekali bukan perihal cinta

The 'Shushh'

Took a sad song of one sweet evening, I smiled and quickly turned away. It's not easy singing sad songs but still the easiest way I have to say. So when you look into the sun and see the things we haven't done.. or was it better then to run than to spend the summer crying? So if you hear my sad song singing, remember who and what you nearly had. It's not easy singing sad songs when you can sing the song to make me glad. So when you look into the sun and see the words you could have sung: It's not too late, only begun, look into the sun.

by Jethro Tull

This song..
is one I never thought that I'd play
But if you want me gone
There are kinder ways to say
So long than spitting in my face

They don’t teach these things in school
They just lay down the rules which are there for you to break

If I’m wrong
Then dust me off and put me in my place, but
Drop a bomb
Shall you blow me away without even a trace?
I’ll be gone and I won’t give chase

Cause when you’re in pieces, you pick up the bits
and nothing fits, and the wind blows you away

I pray..
There will come a time when I think of you and I smile
These days everything seems to last only a while
Remember the names
For the day when we’d have a child

But the trouble with dreams, they’re not what they seem
Cause when you awake, they fall through your fingers.. in flakes
They fall through your fingers in flakes


re-post: Flakes by Mystery Jets

Matter of Heart

Text from Mak on April 27, 2009

"Nanti bila Mak n Abah dah sampai rumah, jangan tanya Abah pape tau. Abah menangis jegh sepanjang jalan ni.."

Orang kata askar ni keras, garang. Yer, Abah sememangnya garang. Kami adik beradik semua dah merasa penangan tali pinggang askar Abah yang tebal tu. Tapi hakikatnya, Abah kat luar jegh nampak garang, tapi bila masuk bab-bab family matters ni, hati Abah hanya sekeras kaca. Pantang dihempuk, pasti berderai pecah. Itulah Abah yang aku kenal. Sejurus sampai, aku jengah Mak kat bilik and tanya pasal Abah. Mak cakap, sepanjang-panjang perjalanan, airmata Abah tak berhenti-henti menitik. Abah drive straight dari Kedah ke KL, tak berhenti even satu hentian pun. "Yela, Abah tengah sedih lagi tu. Siapa tak sedih, adik sendiri meninggal..", sambung Mak. Even masa hari pengkebumian arwah, Abah was the last person to leave the cemetery. Kata Abah, "Abah tak sampai hati nak balik sebenarnya. Bukan apa, kan malaikat Munkar dan Nakir akan mula menyoal selepas 7 langkah orang yang terakhir tinggalkan kubur seseorang tu..". Sekali lagi Abah sebak..

Malam tadi sempat berborak sekejap dengan Abah, Abah cakap Abah terkilan tak dapat turunkan arwah sama-sama sampai ke liang lahat, sebab setibanya Abah kat tanah perkuburan, kubur arwah sudah separuh dikambus tanah. "Abah sampai sama-sama dengan kereta jenazah time tu, cuma lewat kejap nak cari parking. Sampai-sampai, tanah dah separuh. Rezeki Alang kot, dipermudahkan bahagian dia. Semua urusan cepat jegh. Masa mandikan jenazah pun senang, badan arwah terkulai lembut jegh. Muka putih bersih. Tapi tu la, orang lain (bukan adik-beradik) semua Abah turun sampai ke liang lahat, tapi Alang...". Abah dah tak mampu nak teruskan kata-kata. Dalam diam, Mak angkat-angkat kening, signal supaya topik tu tak diperpanjangkan lagi. Aku paham, Mak just tak mahu Abah sedih.

Aku teringat masa mula-mula Pak Lang admitted kat kampung. It was two months ago. Time tu Abah baru jegh hantar Pak Lang balik kampung sebab Pak Lang ada checkup kat HUKM if I'm not mistaken. Then a few days later, Mak Tok telefon Abah bagi tau Pak Lang admitted. Aku ada terdengar Abah cakap kat Mak, "Biarlah Norma dengan Ani pulak yang balik.", and Abah terus masuk bilik untuk solat Asar. But then after a short while, I've heard Mak was comforting Abah.. yes, Abah was crying. And I? I just couldn't help but cry when I overheard the convo between Mak and Abah. I don't even dare to get out from my room at that time. It really broke my heart seriously, sayu rasa hati mendengar Abah menangis.. airmata aku mula menitik laju. How I wish he will be doing just fine, how I wish I could do something to ease his burden.. how I wish *sigh*.
An awkward moment it was...

Hospital Taiping, Perak
Khamis, 6:02 pagi
April 23rd, 2009

Dari-Nya kita datang dan kepada-Nya kita kembali
innalillahi wainna ilaihi raaji’unn
Al-Fathihah buat Allahyarham Pak Lang
Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya dan semoga Allahyarham ditempatkan bersama kalangan mereka yang beriman.

99 Balloons: 99 Days of Baby Elliot

website: Click to read
youtube: Click to watch


99 Balloons

I've watched this on Oprah last Sunday, very touching sad video. It's about letters wrote to Baby Elliot, by his daddy, Matt.

Eventho Matt and Ginny (the parent) knew that their son, Elliot wasnt live for long even before he was born but still, they were going to enjoy every second they did have with him. Ginny even said, "I will be sad later."

Ida Scott Taylor once wrote:
Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone;
And do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering

Seriously, you guys must watch this! ;'( *sad*

Single White Balloon

*Song available at
http://reverbnation.com/waniardy and http://myspace.com/waniardy

Memories penetrate into my mind
Tell me how to sleep, with your ghosts around my bed at night
Now you're packing
Yet it feels like you've been missing long before
I'm as helpless and useless
As a broken door

More than anything
I so much want to say those three words
But my intentions die
I'm afraid you've grown to hate

My hopes are floating
In a single white balloon
In a single white balloon
All it needs is a little needle to disappear
Into the thin air like it was never there
Into the thin air, I'll try my best not to care
My hopes are floating
In a single white balloon
In a single white balloon


Surreal, I would love to have you real
Slow me down, but please don't fade me out
Cautiously
Taking one step at a, one step at a time
I'm like, holding sands
Gently in my open hands


Copyright © 2009 WaniArdy Tinta Enterprise

Bizarre Love Triangle by Frente

Bella asked me to listen to this song this morning, gahh.. best! Who will say NO to lagu-lagu yang berunsurkan gitar semata-mata and punya suara secomel The Cardigans OR Eisley OR Donna Lewis OR Rilo Kiley? Well, obviously not me :)

for mp3:

http://www.dragonarea.com/blog/user1/48/upload/20065234665.mp3

Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind

There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then we'd never see just what were mean't to be

Emotion Sickness II

The 'heart' of mine is not in a good state. Hati rompong, rasa kosong.. haih, am missing you like h*ll!! *sigh*

Closer To You by Counting Crows

Come a little closer if you can
Just forget your fears
Come to me
Cause where I want to be.. is closer to you

Put your little hand into my hand
Throw off this disquise
Come to me
Cause I just want to be.. closer to you

I'm oh so tired of this awefull fight
Cant get by without you
I dont know how I'm gonna be alright
But I'm all messed up
Yeah I'm all messed up.. without you

Dont you wish we were younger
These things go too fast
Come to me
Because I used to be.. closer to youOh come to me cause I need to be.. closer to you

Uhh Ahh Once In A Blue Moon

when life gives you a hundred reasons to cry,
show life that you have thousand reasons to smile.

So I guess, parking lot is the best place ever to cry your heart out. Perhaps you guys should try this therapy as well, cry very hard for NO REASON - eventho this might sound like "You're living in denial, baby!", but hey once in a blue moon you will bump into this kind of scenario whereby you will feel like crying out of NO REASON. ANYWAYYY, just try this out OK, cry for 10 minutes inside your car at the parking lot (tips: this will involved a lot of tissue wasting, so be well prepared) and who knows, maybe you will feel better afterwards... (bleghhh)!

By the way, thanks Kaj for entertained me for 1 hour 20 min and 15 sec last nite (aku check last call duration, specific gle). Wow, membebel is really my thing, isn't it? Lagu tema terbaik buat post ini - Sick, Tired and Hopeless by The Cardigans & Slow Me Down by Emmy Rossum.. bleghhh! Toodles..

True Love Waits

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps

Just don't leave
Don't leave
Don't leave

"Where have you been? I've been searching all over for you."
*cried out*

"I didn't go anywhere, my Dear! Each time, I'm standing here with my heart in my palms, offering it to you. I've been a part of your life since.. uhh even I've lost count. It's just you my Dear, you're the one who couldn't see me."

"Oh, really? Are you sure, honey? I've been looking for you at the same spot like... every second, every minute, every hour and every single day.. BUT how come I still cannot 'scan' you? Uhh I think it is the crowd fault, put the blame on them, shall we? How possible for me to spot you out of the crowd? I don't even have a pair of telescopic eyes, I only owned this odd glasses."
*sigh*

"Kitty Cat .. have you heard about "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind (heart)"?"

*gasp*
"What's wrong with me? Why it is so hard for me to see you with my bare eyes?"

"Sweetheart, it's not others fault, neither yours. It's just that the time has not yet come but it has finally arrived, isn't that correct, Sweetie?"

"I guess I still haven’t said it, have I?"
*blushed*


"* **** ***"

Closer.. Closer..
Lean on me now.. Lean on me now..

4:03pm
boredom Tuesday
written by seseorang yang tader tokoh mengarang novel tapi sebab emo punya pasal.. kita bolos saja dinding itu!

Well, actually this was supposed to be some kind of emo punya version of short-story. Tapi pahal ntah dah terbalik. Someone said to me just now thru ym, "Hey what's wrong with you? Lets talk about it.". But then somehow, sometimes certain thing is very hard to elaborate into wording/verbally. I think my brain has a problem with converting a 'file' format, from THOUGHT to WORDS.

While I'm updating this post, someone excitedly buzzed me, "OMG OMG OMAR IN A RSHIP WITH BELLA OMG OMG OMFG". Shocking news, haha! I did saw Bella changed her status this morning at Facebook, from Single to In Relationship but then I didn't know that the Mr Right is OB! Damn, aku dah agak dah since aksi korang main tarek-tarek rambut gatal di depan aku mase wedding Beck.. hahaha! By the way, congratulations.. semoga panjang jodoh so that for next year, next wedding dalam tentatif aku nanti is korang ;p Amin!

Urghh Chucky, I still haven't do the taggy thing yet! OK am off, listening to Brightly Wound by Eisley makes me melt! It sounds so darn cute and sweet, one of the songs from old playlist.

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much to fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow

A Minute

Facts about Suerie Mansor

she wanted to say something but somehow.. the words got stucked as she's trying to spill it out
she gives advise alot to others but she didnt listen to any
used to call up her buddies whenever she need to talk to someone, but she no longer do that (less)
the reason for above, bcoz she feels that everybody got their own mess that they need to deal with 1st, they dont need another one
most of the time she will looks so happy, her face looks so bright and on giggly mode 24-7 but.....
and just now, tetiba she was being too harsh with one of her so-called friend..

how bright do you think you can be, when the world is too wide for this tiny little 'sunshine'..

Paranoiya I Am

"thanks for ur self-esteemed"

That's what I've received after I've wrote something when I replied back a message from some stranger on MySpace. Biasa la kalo orang anta message with pick-up lines yg dah basi, for-instance: "Hi awak ni cute la, boleh berkenalan?" (again, please define CUTE? Ugly but adorable.. thanks for the compliment!). Usually aku just ignore those kind of message, tapi tetiba tadi gagah pulak aku gi reply message mamat tu, aku pun balas..

"If you interested to be friend with me bcoz of the looks, maybe you need to think again dude.. am not as cute as u've seen/said, sgt huduh in real world. btw thx for buzzin but I dont entertain stranger.. Sorry :)

Anyway, thx again!"

Maybe I'm just being too harsh here but that is what I always do when a stranger suddenly prompt out of nowhere. Maybe sebab aku sangat paranoid, scared that someone trying to make a fool of me or make a prank/gotcha. Oh yes, I'm a queen of paranoiya.. LOL! It's not that aku ni sombong or whatever, it is just that somehow I don't simply trust in people, exspecially nowdays. I don't even trust myself. And by not trusting myself, I can hardly trust others. *sigh*

Maybe I think too much OR it isn't a matter of what I think. Maybe it's what I've done that has led me to feel the way I do now. A friend told me, at any rate, don't put too much trust in someone. You will learn to regret it if you do. And if you ever allow yourself to feel betrayed, you will then find yourself being cruelly vindictive.

----

"Loneliness is the price we have to pay for being born in such modern age, so full of freedom, independence and our own egotistical selves.."

Married, Not Married and Soon To Be Married..

Disclaimer: I didn't write this. A friend posted it on her Notes @Facebook this morning. It's nice to share, it has touched my heart..

-----

A story about.. MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

(From a Friend)

Say (All I Need) by One Republic

Tiada idea mahu lukis or tulis ape.. by the way, this sketch was done by me on June 22nd, 2007.. recycled! Alright then, seems like im lack of ideas, it's pasting time.. pick of the month, Say (All I Need) by One Republic. Ok, am off..

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
somewhere better just to have it?

Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
nothing's turned out how you wanted

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go of anything you hold

Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
and a place to rest my head

Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
your best look
You're praying that you make it

Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it

Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it

Better In Time by Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming, thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one, thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

How could I turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me?
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings?

If I'm dreaming, don't wanna let hurt my feelings
But that's the path, I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice, boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be ok

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you
Yes, I will


p/s: been bz this week, entry akan diupdate esok-esok jegh yer.. :)
Nway HAPPY BUFDAY to cik Aqeelah Azni and cik Mazlina Mohamad *smoochies+hugs*

Dear Suerie..

Beh : give urself a chance to love, be loved and be in love again, and again, and again
Beh : sorry la surie
Beh : he's not worth even a drop of ur tears
Beh : ouh surie...
Beh : who knows he might put those picture just to see ur response
Beh : and well, he got it, kan
Beh : beh
Beh : u have to be strong
Beh : kalau dier bleh sekering2 ati buat kau camni,
Beh : kau pon kene kering ati gak
Beh : leave him, betol2 leave him for good
Beh : no more sms-es, no more articles about broken-hearted or about him
Beh : no more dreams walau di dalam tidur atau jaga
Beh : beh, skarang one thing yg sgt2 clear.
Beh : u ada banyak OPTIONS
Beh : he's not worth it my dear
Beh : u're a good person, u deserves someone better
Beh : dan kalau kau trus percaya yg kau ni a good person, insyaAllah, kau akan dpt pengganti yg jauh lebih baik
Beh : aku percaye kau akan dpt yg lebih baik
Beh : kau pon mesti percaye gak
Beh : ye?

Alrite then beh, i wont write about those things anymore (try to), promise! This entry is just as a reminder for me, so that everytime i feel like wanna write about "it".. i'll think twice and will hold back. Clearly, being as stupid as I already be (blinded) is not gonna help me out dear Suerie, thanks beh for being so supportive and thanks for ur advises! *smooch*

(this part has been added on May 23rd)
Aritu aku onda fon ngan member lama aku, Dosh.. classmate mase kt matriks dlu. Mase beburak dengan dier, terpancul statement neh dari mulot aku.. "Kan besh kalo ade remote control yg bole fast forward time so that i could skip this kind of period.. *gelak*" and Dosh dengan selambe jegh jawab.. "ada.. cume tak bole nak fast forward je, just fast backward jegh.. hehe". Cehh.. tu flashback nama nye *straight face*

Lantas dier suh aku layan lagu Kesepian by Dygta.. bleghh

Oh..

..finally, my steady feet has failed me! You really got me this time..

Multi Me

I think soon I will end up speaking in Cantonese.. haha. Since like most of my colleagues are Chinese, eventhough most of the time we're speaking in English but then sometimes during break or lunch time, they're tend to mix up the language just like the Malays always do. Dan bahasa aku pun semakin majmuk lately, aku kerap cakap KANCHONG instead of CUAK/NERVOUS, CHAM la/SEI la instead of MATI la.. wht the heck, haha!

Actually.. I dont have anything to write, pointless! So as usual, time to post out a lyrics.. *doomed*
(I found out this song from Jasmine's blog.. thx)

Dan Sebenarnya by Yuna

oh bulan, enggan melayan diriku lagi
pabila, airmata membasahi pipi
dah lagu lagu di radio
seolah olah memerli aku
pabila, kau bersama yang lain

adakah perasaan benci ini
sebenarnya cinta?
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
disebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku

ku enggan, berpura pura ku bahagia
ku enggan, melihat kau bersama si dia
oh ku akui cemburu
mula menular dalam diri
pabila, kau bersama yang lain

disaat kau merenung matanya
ku rebah.. jatuh ke bumi
disaat kau benar benar mahu pergi
seperti.. ku bernafas dalam air

dan sebenarnya
aku rindu
aku tak mampu
tanpamu..

(go to youtube for the clips)